Justin and I have been married for one year! I told him yesterday that they say the first year of marriage is the hardest and he says "well then our life is gonna be a breeze". Ha!
My marriage to Justin is my most sacred treasure. He is my very best friend. He holds my biggest secrets and knows my most vulnerable faults.
I trust him with everything I have. He has made marriage my most amazing adventure I have ever been on!
So here are a few things we have learned.
My favorite quote regarding marriage...
If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.
Protect your marriage...from yourself.
I have often thought of this quote throughout our marriage. When I met Justin, I knew I needed to treat this differently.
I had never been in a relationship where voices were not raised or harsh words were not said. I didn't think it was possible!
People disagree and life gets hard.
But Justin was different. He showed me different. And I knew I needed to be different.
When you allow certain bad habits into your marriage, you expose it to the elements.
In our marriage, although we have moments of disagreeing (which DUH, will happen, we are DIFFERENT HUMANS), we do not use nasty words. We know once we say something, we cannot take it back. We choose our words carefully.
We don't speak to each other disrespectfully. We don't say shut up or dimiss each other.
When I AM short on patience or just have an attitude (cause lets be real, some days I just have an attitude lol),
I "lovingly polish it until it gleams like new".
A healthy marriage is not exception to the rule, it's a choice.
We choose our priorities and a happy marriage is at the top of my list.
I will shield and protect it because nothing is more important to me then him.
Apologize
It's amazing what an apology can do. It can shut down small things better than anything else. My husband is the king of apologies.
Me on the other hand...it depends on the day. Lol
I am lucky to have a husband, where if I apologize, even if I'm a real stinker, he accepts it and moves on.
Lately, if I need to apologize for something, I say it right then and there. It goes attitude moment, immediate apology, back to a good day.
My apologies usually sounds like, "I am sorry I had an attitude, I'm not frustrated with you, I just am overwhelmed because I am stressed."
And whats cool is that: ONE. We become a team again and no one is hurt anymore. TWO. He knows why I am upset so I can stay frustrated, I don't have to mask my emotions, I just needed to clarify them. THREE. We tackle the solution together.
Just start saying sorry and watch life change.
Focus on the GOOD of your partner
When you're about to spend ETERNITY with someone, little things have GOT TO GO.
You CANNOT sweat the small stuff because all of a sudden you're carrying 400 "small stuffs" and its heavy as frick and it's not small anymore.
I am not perfect at this at all. Sometimes I walk around the house and ask myself, my baby and Heavenly Father why in the world Justin cannot pick up his shoes and put them in the closet. Is it really that far away?!!!!
But then I remind myself Justin just did the dishes, cooked dinner, worked 50 hours this week, kissed on me like 30 times, told me he loved him about 1000, brought me the remote when it was two feet away, rocked baby Stoic to sleep because he was fussy, gave me a blessing when I was sick, put all the laundry away, all while never ever complaining about anything.......
Oh......okay I guess I can pick up the shoes and shut up.........LOL. How silly does that sound that I am complaining about SHOES!!!! LOL
Of course I don't always see it this way and I have to actually HOLD MY TOUNGE and stop to remember all the good stuff.
But I'm creating a habit. Create a habit to find the GOOD in your person and become blind to the rest.
(This does not mean becoming blind to ABUSE, NEGLECT, & UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR)
Also remember, EVERYONES GOOD IS DIFFERENT. Celebrate YOUR PERSONS GOOD.
Don't look at Billy down the street and say "Well HE gets his wife a NEW CAR every year....." Who freaking cares!
YOUR person does "this this & this".
No one is perfect, no one has it all. That's okay. Celebrate the good and life is good.
Laugh
I swear Justin & I are gonna laugh our way through this life right up until the pearly gates.
We laugh all. day. long. We crack each other up and I love every second of it.
I will be hopping mad about something and he know just what to say to disarm me and make me laugh.
When I was sick as a dog pregnant, and showing Justin the not so sexy moments of me, laughter was the only way to get through my humiliation HAHA!
If you're dating someone and they don't make you laugh...RUN.
If you're married, find the laughter.
Some things have to be taken seriously, but if it doesn't? Laugh it off and keep on pushing.
This is what I've got for year one. It has been my favorite year of my life.
We have grown and changed and really had a blast.
Don't read this thinking we are perfect at it anything. We aren't!!
We just really love each other and want to do the best we can.
Sometimes we fail, and there are hurt feelings...but then we just try again!
We haven't been through our toughest of times.
But as we face them, we will do so, hand in hand, relying on our Heavenly Father, laughing whenever we can.
Happy one year bub! You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and you make me the happiest lady in the universe.
Xo. Kels
Thursday, April 26, 2018
